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MiaZGoldenGeek
• 8/29/2017

Old woman?

Where was this information while I was trying to grow up? I heard a female guest on a talk show identify herself as non-binary, female. This hit a big nerve with me. As a recent retiree from a school district, we espoused cultural diversity as well as gender diversity, but when I heard them ask us to add "they" to our syllabi, I rolled my eyeballs, most likely because it was never explained in any detail. When I heard this young(er) person explain it on the show, a light bulb went off in my brain. I have never had any desire to change my gender or be with a woman sexually, but I recognize that my brain is and has always been male-oriented. I about puke at social gatherings where women all sit around and talk about crocheting doilies, their babies, and other female-required nurturing duties. I get pissed when all my female friends with spouses, boyfriends, and s/o's have their duties so clearly defined, especially in the kitchen. The women do ALL of the cooking and cleanup, laundry, housework, blah, blah. Where the heck did this come from? Even my father (RIP), who was a farmer, helped out and knew how to cook and make a cucumber & tomato salad. My mom worked like a man outside digging in the dirt, caring for crops, and in the produce stand. At the risk of getting yelled at here, in some ways, I think that the gender identity awakening is a phony construct. This is simply an observation, but it seems to me city folks are a race all their own and have the luxury of choice, not just for gender identity. No one even gave gender identity a second thought the way I was raised. You did your work, honored your parents, and, as my dad said, "Keep your nose clean!" (Still not sure what he meant by that, but I'm sure it had to do with being honest and straightforward). Turns out, my youngest brother identifies as gay. He tried for 20 years to not be gay and it almost did him in. I am not gay--I like all parts of a man, but I find myself acting like a man around men. I have no children and am completely alone, except for my social life which I force myself to do. It is not healthy to be by oneself. I was married for 8 years, have had many s/o's, and a few (s.o.b.'s) :) and still trying to figure out what's "wrong" with me. All I can come up with is that I am not doing the correct feminine things to attract or keep a man (In my defense--I've dumped a few on my own), and...I don't really care to. If you were to look in my house, you would not see a lot of feminine decor. I have a baby grand piano, a couple of computers, and have slapped together some of the cheap furniture myself. I didn't need a man to help me. That's enough for now. Is it possible I could be a non-binary female? I should find this out now before I kick the bucket.
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MiaZGoldenGeek
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• 6/2/2018
Well based on what you've said (and this isn't the end-all absolutely 100% correct answer because I don't know every aspect to you) but you should keep in mind how you act does not determine your gender you can be male and act like a girl and still be a bit and vice versa, I myself am Demi-Girl which is sorta similar to nonbinary female (I use she/them pronouns btw). You talked a lot about acting traditionally masculine and liking boyish things but that really means nothing. However when you said that when you heard this information it "struck a chord with you" now this is really interesting, that might just be evidence that your not as cuz as you once thought you were. My advice? Experiment! Try out different pronouns and labels. No one knows you better than you, and even then "you" don't know YOU that well, but that's the great thing about being human your ment to learn and grow and CHANGE! And remember you don't have to figure all out right now, nobody 100% knows their identity. By the time most people figure it out their already fead. And that's fine! that's normal! And remember you don't even have to have a label of you don't want to! ✌
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